Will the headaches ever end?

So it's Wednesday. Yesterday I never got a chance to get on the computer. David was working from home and by the time I had a chance, I had no desire to write. It was Mommy Ruth's 90th birthday so we surprised her with a visit. There was a 5.4 earthquake but thankfully, we were on our way home and didn't feel it...or any of the aftershocks. I went to the chiropractor which felt pretty good but again, hasn't solved anything.

Today I sit here with a blazing headache. I could take an imitrex right now, not nurse Dana and call it quits on the breastfeeding. Why can't I? Won't it help? I think what it comes down to is that David won't be here at bedtime tomorrow or Friday and I don't think I can do it myself. I need to be absent or at least out of the room. I feel like I'm going to deprive her. For all I know she won't miss it at all. I know I will. I talked to Dr. Ota today. She wants me to go back on the pill. Between that and Keppra, I really don't know what will help. All I know is that I feel like if I don't take excedrin every morning, I end up with a migraine at the end of the day. Even if I take a nap! I am so at a loss and just feeling like crap. And to deal with weaning at the same time is so not fair. And I have no one to talk to about it because everyone has their own issues and judgments. David is probably sick of hearing it too. I'm not making things easy for myself or for him. Why is this so hard?

At least I found another babysitter for Dana today. Hopefully I can schedule things so that Jaycie can help us out. It would be so much easier if either of our moms could help. I wish I was able to escape the "poor me" stuff and just do what I needed to do. Dr. Ota did mention putting me on a depression drug but not until trying the pill and seeing what it does for the headaches. I really don't want to be labeled as depressed. I don't want to be in the same category as my mother. How I wish I had an escape.

I'm going to go close my eyes so that I can nurse Dana. Thank God the imitrex helps. What would I do then? That's not even something I want to think about.

Dana started walking around with the cordless phone as if to be talking to someone today. The funniest part was when the phone rang and it was Dada. She talked to him! Too cute. She's also saying "Bye Bye" to everything including airplanes and helicopters. My favorite that comes up a lot is "Wow Wee!"