Depression sucks

I can't believe the happiest time of my life has become the saddest time of my life. My time with my one year old was supposed to be fun, exciting, happy. Instead, I'm tired, sad, frustrated, in pain and just generally unhappy. I've been looking at jobs. Would that make me happier? The problem is that I don't know what would make me happy. I know that getting rid of the headaches would sure help. Today I had to take another imitrex. I really feel like something chemically is off. Between the constant headaches and the extreme depression, something is off.

Being a stay-at-home mom is so rewarding. And so routine and boring. And when I don't have anything planned, it's so hard. She just isn't excited about going to mundane places anymore and crackers don't hold her over. I just have to work so hard and I'm so tired. I know why mothers go back to work. Jobs outside the home are far easier!

I just don't want to look back on this time and regret anything. I really hope the psychiatrist helps me. I know that the drugs won't be a quick fix. I don't think there is such a thing. But I just want to be happy again and really need to get rid of these headaches that are holding me back.

I hope Dana knows and will always know how lucky I am to have been able to be home with her. I hope she knows I love her.