It's official, I'm depressed

I started therapy today. Apparently I denied my feelings about RSV and now I'm paying for it....along with $185 a session. And that's just for the therapist. She wants me to go see someone else to get antidepressants. I'm doing well. And for even more fun, my mother's crap plays into all of my issues so I have her to thank for a lot of how I'm feeling. She really should be paying for the sessions. At least the therapist told me my feelings are totally normal and that I shouldn't beat myself up too much. I'm so good at it though. I'm really hoping the meds help. I need to be in a better mood for my kid and for David.

We went to visit Kinneret today. It was so cool to see Dana amidst camp kids and all the activities. I can't wait to be able to send her to camp. It was great seeing Harold. There weren't too many other people I recognized. But it was something else to miss. The therapist said that when you're depressed, you mourn a lot and miss what you don't have. I miss camp. Like the kayak on Mission Bay. I'm just mourning the life I once had. I can't wait to do that stuff with Dana. Maybe my life was meant to only have one kid. I wish I knew.

I really hope David P finds out that he still has a job tomorrow. I feel badly that he doesn't know. Talk about depression. They'd better not move to far away if he doesn't get the job. At least he and I can relate on the depression front. That's why I want Dana to have a sibling. When her parents aren't around, she can have someone to commiserate with. I really hope David and Molly have a kid too. I think that would make it easier for me if we didn't have a second kid. Ok, that's really selfish....and all about me.

I'm so tired. I think my headaches are better though. I've only had tablet halves of excedrin the last two days and no imitrex. Maybe the Keppra is finally doing something. I wish I knew that too. I've never liked not knowing....it's the control thing I'm sure.

I talked to Leslye today. Apparently I should be packing my boobs in ice so they dry up faster. I was able to express some milk last night. That made me sad. My armpits have been throbbing. I guess my milk ducts are unhappy. She said I might get plugged ducts. That would kill me. I'd have to pump. I'd be in therapy for the rest of my life.

Ok, time for ice cream.